Wednesday 30 September 2015

22.02-You're lesbian?




Ruby: “I’ll make something fresh to keep us going.”


Ingrid: “Time to note down some stuff, notably how Blair is such a schemer.”


Theresa: “So, we’re in a coalition right?”
Ronald: “Of course, dear! We’re husband and wife. It only makes sense.”
Theresa: “Good. Now who do you think the Mole could *cough* be?”
Ronald: “Ingrid is pretty suspicious, as is Blair. They were the ones who brought back the wrong furniture.”
Theresa: “We’re *cough* on the same wavelength.”
Ronald: “Don’t stress yourself over this. We’ll make it. You’ll make it.”
Theresa: “I really hope so. I don’t know how many *cough* more times I can do *cough* this…”













Ronald: “Poor Theresa. She’s actually contracted Stage 2 lung cancer. It’s all because of her smoking habits. She may have quit smoking, but it’s too late. The consequences are irreversible. I hate how she’s so pessimistic about living. There’s still a fighting chance if she goes for chemo! I want to sympathise, but part of me feels she brought it upon herself. Sigh.”

***


Ruby: “I’m so hungry I duplicated my autumn salad by jabbing my hand through my salad! Mmm, meaty…wait…I didn’t add any meat to this salad.”


Theresa: “I’m *cough* hungry!”
Ronald: “Here you go, dear.”
Blair: “Where are you going?”
Ronald: “To make my own meal.”
Xavier: “How rude. Ruby was kind enough to cook for us.”
Theresa: “He’s like that. He doesn’t trust anyone’s cooking but his own. Maybe it’s a picky taste bud. Say, why aren’t you eating at the table?”
Xavier: “That fat lady who cost us our points is sitting there.”


Judith: “This is excellent for my figure.”

After dinner, contestants take the quiz.

***



Q1: Is the Mole male or female?
A: Male
B: Female

Q2: Does the Mole have a job?
A: Yes
B: No

Q3: In Mission 1, what was the Mole’s role?
A: To transport furniture
B: To arrange furniture

Q4: Did the Mole volunteer to be a mover in Mission 1?
A: Yes
B: No
C: The Mole was not a mover

Q5: In Mission 1, how much furniture did the Mole carry around the house?
A: Little
B: Some
C: A Lot

Q6: In Mission 1, what role did the Mole play in the house?
A: Arranger
B: Supervisor

Q7: In Mission 1, did the Mole lift the bed?
A: Yes
B: No

Q8: In Mission 1, did the Mole arrange the sofas?
A: Yes
B: No

Q9: In Mission 1, what did the Mole find in the shop first?
A: Sofa
B: Dresser
C: The Mole was never in the shop

Q10: Who is the Mole?
A: Ronald Parker
B: Theresa Jeanette Parker
C: Ingrid Faller
D: Blair McAtthewe
E: Ruby Green
F: Xavier Portmanteau
G: Ulysses Wayne Dez
H: Judith Longbow

***


 
“Welcome to your first execution ceremony. Tonight, one of you will be leaving us. To the one who goes, don’t be upset. You were merely the slowest of a three-way tie. To those that survive, don’t rest on your laurels yet, because the Mole is you.”


“Ingrid Faller.”

 





















































































































“Safe!”


“Blair McAtthewe.”

 






















































































“Safe!”


“Xavier Portmanteau.”


 


























































































































“Safe!”


 

“The numbers are diminishing. Ronald Parker. Time to see your result.”

 
















































































































“Unfortunately, Ronald Parker, you have been the first to be executed. Please pack your bags and leave.”


Theresa: “No!”
Ronald: “Please take care of yourself during my absence, Theresa. Everyone, please take good care of my wife.”


“Thank you for joining the Smole, Ronald.”
Ronald: “It was a short ride, but it was fun. Win this for me, Theresa.”
















Blair: “Another lady available! Oh yeah!”



Judith: “Don’t be sad.”
Theresa: “It’s almost as if I lost him. I thought *cough* he would survive, not *cough* me. He’s hardly trusting of his food. I thought he would do well. *cough* Now I know how it will feel for him.”
Ingrid: “What do you mean?”
Theresa: *cough* “Nothing.”
Blair: “You should take care of yourself. I really don’t want to see a beautiful maiden like you fall sick.”
Theresa: “Thanks for your concern.”
Judith: “I know how it must feel for you. I can’t imagine if I lost my Ellen.”
Blair: “Who’s Ellen?”
Judith: “My fiancée.”
Blair: “What? You’re lesbian?”
Judith: “Yes. If you watched Season 19 you’d know her, too. She’s Elena Crane.”
Blair: “There goes my hope…”

The distrustful chef Ronald Parker leaves the scene! Who will be next?


Monday 28 September 2015

22.01-It sounds like I'm being fired




Welcome to the Smole, Season 22! You haven’t seen the last of us yet! This season, 8 contestants join the Smole in hopes of earning money, which they earn through doing missions to earn points for “the pot”. Among them is the Mole, sabotaging to earn points for him/herself. The other contestants have to figure out who the Mole is by taking a quiz after every mission. The one with the lowest score is executed and this continues until the final 3.

So, who is the Mole?


Is it Ronald Parker, 23, chef?


Is it Ingrid Faller, 40, self-employed writer?


Could it be Theresa Jeanette Parker, 24, unemployed?


Or maybe Xavier Portmanteau, 45, clerk?


Is it Ulysses Wayne Dez, 33, fashionista?


Is it Blair McAtthewe, 27, fitness instructor?


Is it Judith “Portia” Longbow, 34, model?


Or could it be Ruby Green, 30, guidance counsellor?

***

After a few days of settling in, contestants embark on their first mission.


“In this mission, two of you will have to memorise a list of furniture, then drive to the nearby furniture shop and transport the furniture back to the other contestants. The rest of you will have to arrange the furniture based on a memorized floorplan. For every piece of furniture correctly placed, 10 points are earned. This is worth 200 points. You have three hours. Good luck, and be wary of the Mole.”

Theresa: “Who will volunteer to be the two *cough* drivers?”
Ulysses: “I think I would be better suited designing the room. I am after all, a designer.”


Theresa: *cough* “Ingrid, you deal with a lot of words. How about you memorise?”
Judith: “Hmm, Ingrid? I don’t know. They have to be strong and quick about it.”
Ingrid: “Are you insulting me now? I know you’re a model but please be respectful of all body sizes!”
Xavier: “Let’s not argue here. We have to stay on task. They’ll be driving anyway. Just get a man to do the lifting.”


Xavier: “It’s only the first mission and everyone’s fighting already. We’re not going to do well at this rate. Ingrid sure is a feisty one. And we have a sick contestant on the show already! This is sure to lower productivity.”


Theresa: “*cough* Okay, who will do it? Ronald?”
Ronald: “No, I have to stay with you and take care of you.”
Ulysses: “Are you okay, Theresa?”
Theresa: “Yeah...*cough*…I’m fine.”
Ulysses: “Okay, who shall accompany Ingrid?”


Blair: “I’d gladly do it. I think I’ll be of much use there.”


The movers are Blair and Ingrid. They have been given a list in private to memorise.


Blair: “I love this! So many pretty women! Well, 4 actually. One is fat though and is quite the temperamental one. And another is off limits. She’s sick and I think the wife of that Ronald Parker. At least I still have two ladies to keep me company. And I get to flaunt my muscles! Plus I got a sweet deal! At the bottom of my list was a note, saying that if we fail to bring a single piece of furniture back correctly, I get to earn an exemption! And I looked at Ingrid’s list. Hers is the same except for that note. She doesn’t have it! Such a tempting deal…”


 
“The rest of you may go.”
Xavier: “It sounds like I’m being fired. Groan.”


The mission has commenced.


Blair: “Alright, Ingrid. We split up and look for the furniture. We can make multiple trips so don’t worry too much, okay?”
Ingrid: “Time to earn those points!”


Ingrid: “Which dresser is it?”
Blair: “Oh boy. This is going to take a while.”


 
Ingrid: “Hey Miss. May I know if you have a white big dresser?”


Brenda: “Why, yes, we do. There are several designs.”
Blair: “I’ve found the sofa! Could I get that sofa please?”
Brenda: “Oh, of course! You’re such a charming young man.”
Ingrid: “Ugh.”

***

After getting some more furniture…



Blair: “The van’s full of furniture. Let’s get back to the others!”

***

 

Xavier: “Uhh…”
Ruby: “This house is awfully small and plain. But I guess it’s better than us designing a mansion, right?”


Judith: “I don’t want to pressure them, but how much time have we wasted just standing here?”


Xavier: “They are taking forever.”



Xavier: “There they are! At long last.”

***


 
Blair: “MY FOOT!”
Ronald: “Oops, sorry.”



Ronald: “My wrists were hurting a bit.”
Blair: “Just hurry up and shift this couch to…wherever it’s supposed to be.”
Ronald: “By that wall.”                      


Ronald: “There. This looks about right.”
Blair: “I hope I can trust you.”


Xavier: “Set it down first.”
Judith: “Which room?”
Ulysses: “I’ll check!”


Ulysses: “This room! It looks right!”
Ingrid: “So, do any of you know where this goes?”


Judith: “This looks right.”
Xavier: “What’s that chap doing there?”
Judith: “He says he’s trying to visualise where each piece of furniture goes. “
Xavier: “I say he’s slacking! Who gave him the rights to call charge and supervise?”
Ingrid: “He is the most experienced guy we have in the field of design. Even if he is designing different things.”


Theresa: “I really want to help.”
Blair: “There’s no reason for a lady to lift her finger. Just sit back and relax.”
Theresa: “I want to contribute! I don’t want to be the floater. *cough*”
Ronald: “Look at you, Theresa. You are in no fit to do heavy lifting. Just leave it to the rest of us. You can help supervise.”


Ruby: “This is the right spot…I think.”


Blair: “Come on, we need to rush back!”

Ingrid: “We didn’t have the foresight to just dump the furniture in the house and let the rest move them. It wasted a lot of precious time.”


Blair: “I don’t think there were big posters.”
Ingrid: “Which rug is it? Think, Ingrid, think! Nevermind, move on to the beds first.”


 
Ingrid: “This bed is pretty comfy…no, focus! Let’s see here…I think it’s a double bed, so all the single beds are out.”


Blair: “Is this the right sink? If only they gave us pictures instead of wordy descriptive lists.”

***


Xavier: “Don’t you think one of these chairs look out of place? They don’t match.”
Ulysses: “Yes, that is true, but we can’t tell for sure. All we saw was a rough, placeholder sketch of the furniture. And it was in black and white.”


Ulysses: “Why not ask them?”
Ingrid: “Ask what…huff…”
Xavier: “Bad idea to send you off. Anyway, don’t you think something is wrong with these sofas?”
Ingrid: “That’s what I said! But within that short time of one minute, we split the load. Blair memorized the top half and insisted the sofas are correct. Now excuse me. I need to put the sink back.”
Ulysses: “Well, no use dwelling. If it ends up being wrong at least we know who not to trust.”


Ronald: “Over here…yes! That’s right.”
Ingrid: “It’s coming together now.”

Judith: “Yucks. The toilet. But I don’t think it’s over here, Ronald.”


 
Blair: “Careful now…there we go!”
Ruby: “Good job, guys! I had no confidence of shoving the bed through that door! You guys are awesome!”
Blair: “Aw, it’s nothing.”
Xavier: “Okay, we’ve got the bed down.”


 
Theresa: “Guys, this seems off. If I remember the *cough* bed was by the door.”


Ulysses: “It’s just that this room is small, that’s all. We don’t have much time to waste. About an hour left. And this is how beds are always put. Otherwise only one can sleep on it if we pushed it to the corner to place it exactly by the door.”


Ruby: “Oh, I don’t feel so well…”
Xavier: “Sigh. Go and rest then. You’ll end up being a liability if you put on a front.”
Ruby: “I’m really sorry Xavier.”
Xavier: “It isn’t me you should be apologising to.”


 
Ronald: “There you guys are.”
Blair: “On my count. One…two…three!”

Theresa: “Was this toilet here? Or was it facing the mirror directly?”


Blair: “And there.”


Xavier: “Wait. This doesn’t make sense. The TV shouldn’t be by the door. It’s blocking the whole path.”
Ulysses: “Oh! You’re right! Ruby, could you move? We need to swap the positions.”


Ruby: “Sure…oof…”


Ruby: “I had a stomach upset halfway through the mission so I couldn’t do much to help. But everyone was really encouraging and didn’t blame me. We all tried our best.”


Xavier: “There we go.”
Ruby: “Wait, what about the kitchen and dining area?”
Ingrid: “We’re on it! Let’s get back to the shop!”

***

Fast forward to the last 5 seconds…


“5…”
















“4…”












“3…”






“2…”




















“1!”


“Time is up! All 20 pieces of furniture have been placed, but are they at their correct positions? Or are they even the right pieces of furniture? There are altogether 9 correct pieces of furniture, of which 7 have been placed correctly. As such 70/200 points have been earned. Quite a shabby start.”


Blair: “This is a game of deception and deceit. And I’m a master of it. While I went against sabotaging all out, I did manage to stir up some trouble and make Ingrid the scapegoat.”


Ingrid: “That’s pathetic.”
Xavier: “I’ll say.”


Xavier: “I bet you sabotaged!”
Ingrid: “What?”
Xavier: “I knew the sofa wasn’t right and I hadn’t even looked at the list!”
Ronald: “Oh brother.”
Ingrid: “Blame Blair for that!”


Blair: “I had nothing to do with this.”
Ingrid: “You!”

Judith: “It’s over. I just can’t believe the Mole, whoever that may be, would be so cruel right on the first mission!”