16.02-Ugh, people

The first mission shall commence shortly.

Philo: “I didn’t know you could cook. I thought all you did was run on the treadmill.”

Derek: “Well, I can do a lot of stuff.”

Charlotte: “Ugh, people. Two of them.”

Philo: “What’s your problem? Aren’t you a person too?”

Charlotte: “I don’t intend to stay near strangers.”

Philo: “Then why sign up for this?”

Charlotte: “I need quick money. This is the best and fastest way to get it.”

Derek: “You should make friends here.”

Charlotte: “Friends! Ha! Don’t ever mention that word in front of me! It’s sacrilegious, I tell you. Who needs friends?”

Derek: “We all do.”

Philo: “You know what’s sacrilegious? You? And I should know. I’m Buddhist.”

Charlotte: “So you’re vegetarian then?”

Philo: “Yup. But that’s not the point. The point is you need to change your attitude.”

Charlotte: “And I should listen to you? You’re just a few years older than me. And I don’t even know you!”

Iris: “The bed is so clunky and rigid. It hurt my back. Guess I should have chosen a better bed.”

Dawn: “We know who the early birds are now.”

Philo: “It’s not that early. It’s 8am.”

Charlotte: “I’m not glad that phones are banned. While I don’t ever use it, you guys do, and are addicted to it. Being glued to your phones means less interaction, good for me.”

***

Jillian: “Who turned this thing on while I was sleeping? Ugh.”

“I did. Because it’s time for your first mission! This mission involves all twelve of you to go to a maze. One of you will be the killer, while the others must run to the exit before being killed. Anyone who makes it out will win 10 points for the team and the last standing player will win a card. This is worth 110 points.”

***

Janet will be the killer.

Janet: “I volunteered to kill because I thought it would be fun, and I could act out a convincing murderer scene. Beats murdering myself every single time. At the same time I’m hoping to understand the psychology of the Mole through this.”

Off the contestants run. Run! Run for your puny little lives! Muahahaha!

Charlotte: “I see a gate.”

Janet: “Hmm…perfect hiding spot. Let me enter it.’

Charlotte: “I’ve been found. Shoot, is that a real gun?”

Janet: “Time to put you to sleep…forever!”

Dawn: “Oh I’m fabulous.”

Cheryl: “What are you doing posing down here?”

Cheryl: “Waiting for men to hook up? I despise women like you, always depending on men to save you.”

Dawn: “Is there anything wrong in looking for love?”

Cheryl: “This is the twenty-first century! We do not need love, we do not need men! We can depend on ourselves! Look at me! I’m a CEO, for crying out loud! Get your act together!”

Janet: “I hear some shouting. Perfect.”

Janet: “Found you.”

Dawn: “Oh my god we need to stop bickering.”

Janet: “Any last words?”

Cheryl: “No…you won’t dare shoot. That can’t be real.”

Janet: “Charlotte already died at my hands. Want to try?”

Cheryl: “Don’t tell me this is another ‘Celebrity Kills’ season!”

Dawn: “Run! I’ll shield you!”

 

Dawn: “AAAH!”

Cheryl: “Oh my goodness it’s real! I’ll come back for you Dawn!”

Janet: “You can run but you can’t hide!”

Dawn: “My world…it’s getting foggier…my limbs…they’re getting weaker….my world, it’s getting foggier…wait, I said that already.”

Demetria: “Who’s that? Argyle?”

Derek: “No, it’s Derek.”

Demetria: “Phew. If it were Janet I’d be a goner.”

Derek: “What a lovely day it is today.”

Demetria: “Too bad I can’t feel it.”

Chad: “Oh my gosh what are you guys doing here? Why are you standing in open space talking to each other? Don’t let down your guard!”

*BOOM*

Chad: “A second shot was fired! Aah!”

Derek: “Where are your running to?”

Chad: “I don’t know, anywhere! Anywhere’s better than here! Don’t tell Janet that I went this way!”

Demetria: “Is he being paranoid?”

Derek: “Betcha. It can’t be real. Though the sound effect is mighty convincing.”

Demetria: “As was that piercing scream that sounded like Dawn.”

Derek: “Yup…wait, Dawn? Dawn! I must save you!”

Demetria: “No.”

***

Dead ends. Will they survive?

Cheryl: “Shit. I better record that Janet’s a serial killer before I die.”

Janet: “I can’t make too much noise.”

Cheryl: “Who’s there? Darn you found me!”

Janet: “Dammit. Say goodbye and meet your unicorn!”

Cheryl: “I prefer ‘meet your maker’. But I’m not going to give up that easily!”

Janet: “Hey! How dare you run past me like that!”

Philo: “I feel like a headless chicken…hmm, reminds me of the time I had to act as a chicken. Stupid producers.”

***

Demetria: “And that’s why you can’t just go off running like that. It’s too reckless.”

Derek: “You’re right. I just never thought we would encounter this much danger. I never imagined this to entail that much risk.”

Demetria: “Well, this is the Smole, after all.”

Derek: “You know, you have this alluring charm, Tria. Can I call you Tria?”

Demetria: “Oh, thanks! And of course!”

Demetria: “If you are that worried, I’ll go creep around and find Dawn for you.”

Derek: “No! It’s too risky!”

Demetria: “I’ll be careful. I know how to tread on my toes. Await my good news!”

Derek: “Woah, where did you come from?”

Chad: “I say be careful. I think I hear high heels.”

Janet: “Well looky here!”

Demetria: “Oh no! Run! Derek! Run! You will not get past me!”

Janet: “Oh? We’ll see about that.”

Demetria: “AAH!”

Derek: “…Why can’t I protect either Dawn or Demetria?”

Jillian: “I don’t see why you need to run, Iris. It’s just a game. A simple mission.”

Iris: “We have to do our best in whatever we do!”

Cheryl: “Drats! A dead end!”

***

 

Iris: “This must be the end!”

“Congratulations Iris, you are the first to make it out! You can pick a card. This is like a hidden exemption.”

Iris: “I pick…this card!”

Chad: “Argyle, I would advise you not to go in there. It’s a dead end.”

Argyle: “I know what I’m doing, but thanks for good caution.”

Janet: “Where are the rest? My hands are stained with blood, but I want more! MORE! Muahahahahaha!”

Chad: “Is this the end?”

“No, it’s the entrance. Try again.”

Argyle: “So, this looks like a good place to record my observations.”

Janet: “I suspect that someone is here.”

Janet: “Hmm? I thought someone was here.”

Janet: “Hey! Who just went past me? Darn it.”

Cheryl: “Is this finally it?”

“Congratulations Cheryl, you have made it out!”

***

Philo: “Gosh, it’s so hot.”

Chad: “Well I’m more overdressed than you and I’m not complaining. We’ve got our lives at stake here! Run!”

Uma: “Oh Argyle’s there jotting something down. He’s the smart one, so it must be safe here.”

Uma: “I smell sweat. I hope it’s not me.”

Janet: “Aha! Found you. Well, aren’t you the feisty one? I hope you’ll prove a challenge. I need some thrill.”

Uma: “Well I won’t give you what you want! Come! Kill me now! Instantly! I’m all here for you!”

Janet: “Too ashamed to see me? Well, very well. You asked for it.”

Janet: “Ha! What an easy kill. But still, it was quite messy. Makes it all the more interesting to watch.”

“Congratulations Derek! You are the third out!”

Jillian: “I can hear the screams and the shouts, and the shootings! This is getting scary. Not what I signed up for! Tartar! A dead end!”

***

Chad is the fourth to make it out alive.

Jillian: “No!”

Janet: “Did I block your path? Well, I’m so sorry. Why not you turn to your right and run? Or can you not? Muahahaha!”

Jillian: “I’m tired of all this. Just kill me already.”

Janet: “Aw, just put up a struggle! But as you wish. I still need to look for Cheryl. She’s the most fun of them all. I feel like the master here! Muahahaha!”

Final 3. Who will make it out alive? Who is the last to stand?

Argyle: “The firing sound was quite far away, so she must be far from here. Now I can make my escape.”

“Congratulations Argyle! You are the fifth out!”

Janet vs. Philo. Who will win?

Philo: “Now what? It’s a dead end.”

Janet: “Now, how many have I left?”

Philo: “I need to rest. I’m too old for this.”

Janet: “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

Philo: “Damn!”

Janet: “Oh, what do we have here? A Philo walking right to my feet. Do you want a shot, or a bayonet?”

Janet: “I suppose firing the tranquiliser shot is more…justified on you. You wanted a rest, didn’t you?”

Janet: “Oh my, what have I done? I need to flee the scene!”

Janet: “It was a thrill, though I kind of wanted Philo to give me a stimulus and we can improve a dramatic scene. All of that was fake of course. The gun did make a sound, but they were tranquiliser darts, harmless, I hope. The other end was a blunt rubber knife, but I may have jabbed too hard on some. They seemed to be scowling and clutching their abdomens. I hope I didn’t cause internal bleeding."