33.01-Dive straight in

Thank you for tuning in to the 33rd season of the Smole. This season, 10 ex-contestants will return for a second (or third) chance at winning and uncovering the Mole. They will play in missions to earn points for the pot, where 1 point = 100 Simoleons, while the Mole sabotages to try and keep the points out of the pot. Whatever is out of the pot, the Mole keeps. The other 9 will take quizzes to determine who the Mole is and the one who knows least is executed every quiz until there are only three left.

Enough chit-chat. Most of you must be bored of this by now. Let's dive straight in to meet the contestants!

Firstly, we have Poppy La Tootie, the princess of Seasons 14 and 20. Can she finally prove that she can make it on her own, or will her good-girl image be ruined with an insidious role?

Poppy: “Emperor Loving Feline? Which cat loves emperors? Oh well. Dowager Alluring Cat.”

***

“Poppy La Tootie, you are executed!”

Poppy: “Yay! Wait, what?”

“I’m sorry but you’re the first to go.”

Poppy: “Aw toodles.”

Ella: “Princesses can never beat queens.”

Michael: “She was so sweet! It’s sad to see her go.”

Next up, we have Nancy Harvard, the all-rounded overachiever who was in Seasons 7 and 20. Is third time the charm, or does she have something new up her sleeve?

Taylor: “When I first saw him, I fell in love with him.”

Nancy: “And he smiled, because he knew.”

Taylor: “It was love at first sight, I tell you.”

Nancy: “Why else would my heart beat so fast?”

Taylor: “In my heart, I knew he was the one.”

Nancy: “I seized every opportunity possible, to make him mine. Tay Swift.”

***

Nancy: “Sorry, I just had to do it.”

***

“Nancy Harvard…you are…executed. Please pack your bags and leave.”

Nancy: “What? I should have used that exemption!”

Our third contestant is Lena Estenson, the gamer girl from Season 31. Will she play more aggressively, or will she be the one duping others into execution this time?

Aaron: "No dancing pharaohs..."

Lena: "Why not you to supervise someone else?"

Aaron: "So you're chasing me away? You must not want me to see something."

***

Lena: "Nothing's in here. I'm safe!"

Lena: "Wait, why is that door opening?"

Lena: "Oh my gosh..."

Lena: "Where did he come from? It's physically impossible for him to come out from...unless we're in a game!"

Lena: "Alright buster. I'm not staying for long."

Lena: "Aah!"

Aaron: "Oh, she's got it."

Max: "Bad luck."

"Lena Estenson, you have been executed. Please pack your bags and leave."

We also have Dmitry Gustav, who was just out in Season 32. Will he stay longer this time? And as a contestant or as a Mole?

Ivan: "Dmitry, you have some explaining to do."

Dmitry: "Why me?"

Ivan: "Why the f*** do you think?"

Ivan: "Our order was completely messed up. Not a single bottle correct."

Dmitry: 'It's not my fault. You refused to let me help."

***

Dmitry: "I accept my fate and shall leave with dignity. I procrastinated too much and left it to the last minute. I am not surprised that I did so badly. It was fun. I got to drink wine on my first mission. But I still wish I stayed for more adventure."

Next, we have Justin Huez who was here in Season 26 but also appeared in Season 30. Is he back to pursue old love or something else?

Michelle: "Oh, I've seen you around in the gym before! Your name is Justin Huez!"

Justin: "WHAT!?"

Justin: "Just..how? I thought my disguise was flawless!"

Michelle: "Pro tip. Nobody wears sunglasses indoors unless they're hiding something. LIKE THEIR IDENTITY!"

Justin: "I'm not the Mole! Er...right. Gotta go. Don't waste time now."

***

Justin: "I don't understand why I have to walk out half naked if I'm not going to jump."

"We were intending to do that but decided that your group would take the long walk of shame instead."

Next, there is Vlad Pire, the internally-struggling vampire who was in Season 9 and Season 13. Which role is he reprising?

 

Vlad: “This water reminds me of my bladder…but you can just walk across you know. Unless you’re fat.”

Skye: “I’m not. I’m just too hungry. That’s all.”

***

“There goes Vlad Pire, falling through the trap door! The answer is indeed Kirby Wise. This was not shown until the very last episode.”

***

“Vlad Pire, you are...executed. Please pack your bags and come inside a while later.”

Following him is Uma Phile, the competitive aspiring starlet. She didn't have much luck in Season 16 but outdid herself in Season 20. Will she make it to the finale in Season 33 through her own skills or acting, or neither?

Uma: “I smell sweat. I hope it’s not me.”

Janet: “Aha! Found you. Well, aren’t you the feisty one? I hope you’ll prove a challenge. I need some thrill.”

Uma: “Well I won’t give you what you want! Come! Kill me now! Instantly! I’m all here for you!”

Janet: “Too ashamed to see me? Well, very well. You asked for it.”

Janet: “Ha! What an easy kill. But still, it was quite messy. Makes it all the more interesting to watch.”

***

Uma: “What the heck. This is nonsense. I’m outta here.”

Next, we have Tanya Sim, the unassuming wife of an unemployed husband. Dissatisfied with her performance in Seasons 3 and 5, will her experience make her wiser 28 seasons later, or is it not relevant?

Tanya: “Yay, I’m finally fatigued and done with this.”

***

“All I can say is…Rory, you better win this or you’ll get it from me. Go get a job for goodness sake! So what if your first interview failed?”

Our second last contestant is Zoe Lin, the model who fell from grace and fame after being in Season 6. Can she outdo her sister, perhaps even as the Mole?

Zoe: “Pfft. What kind of a house is this? It looks so slipshod! Are the producers that short for money?”

(Well, we’re not, but it’s cheaper and easier to buy a plot of land and build on it than rent a pre-existing house and evict any members. Plus, we are now under Enigma Alert, a big company, so we’re being pushed by them to hurry this out.)

Dickie: “Stop your whining. When I was your age, living in this kind of house was considered a luxury!”

Zoe: “Times have changed, missus.”

Luke: “Hey, aren’t you Zoe Lin, that model?”

Zoe: “At least someone knows me.”

***

Zoe: “This is unbelievable. A famous model like me being executed first. This is embarrassing and will affect my reputation severely. But I’ll like to clarify that I’m not the lowest, and I was eliminated by luck. That must be it.”

Finally, our last contestant is Wayne Goppud of Season 9. Loud but quickly forgotten, can he make his presence felt for longer this time around? Is he swapping roles with the vampire this time?

Hossan: “Woah…”

Wayne: “This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I can’t show more since that’s against the rules.”

***

Wayne: “Could it be in the dumpster?”

Manura: “Ugh. Disgusting. You’re such a dog.”

Wayne: “Say that one more time and I’ll rip you to shreds!”

***

Wayne: “I still can’t believe I’m the first to leave. I was sure I got the wrong Mole. I’m guessing that I was one of those with a penalty. Which means my Mole was wrong. At the very least, I’ll look back with fond memories. And gosh I don’t feel so good. I got to go now.”

“Hey Wayne…forget it, he’s gone.”

If you haven't realised yet, all 10 of them have been the first to be executed in their respective seasons. They're arguably the worst at the game, but have they grown wiser with experience and time, or are they still as clueless after all this while?

***

Dmitry: "Maybe being first out is not so bad after all. I get two seasons while most get one. It's not France but the countryside of Appaloosa Plains is quite nice too. I think it's unfair that some of the others here have been on two seasons already."

Zoe: "Finding the Mole is like a press release. Bad things get covered up and made to sound like there's no problem at all. I'll be watching out for that this season. Watch out Mole. I'm back and readier than ever. Remember me."

Justin: "I'm glad to be back. I lasted too short back in Season 26. I'm back here by invitation. Maybe I can bring glory to myself and my family. I couldn't persuade Vivi to return. She said she needed some time to think. So I kept my promise and returned home to my son Jake. With his permission, I'm back here, focusing on myself now and not my ex-wife."

Uma: "Oh, so you're back."

Justin: "Who are you? Oh, I remember."

Justin: "I thought you made it to sixth or something in Season 20?"

Uma: "I did, but they still invited me because I was the first out in Season 16. Maybe they were trying to fill in the numbers."

"Attention. Justin, Uma, welcome back. Since you are the last two to arrive, you will be in charge of the very first mission."

Uma: "I barely just got here and we're doing a mission already. Bring it on."

"You are currently being shown the floorplan of the house. You are to determine where the other 8 contestants are in the house currently with a bunch of clues, which you earn from challenges. You get one hour in total and for every contestant in the right room, 10 points are earned. This is worth 80 points. Good luck."

Uma: "I'm definitely going to do the firewalk."

Uma: "This is a little hotter than I'm used to but piece of cake."

Uma: "I love fire."

Uma: "I've done all kinds of stunts with fire before."

Uma: "See? Easy."

Uma: "Now give me my first clue."

"Only the blondes are on the second floor."

Uma: "Who's blonde? Hmm, Justin is, but he's here with me."

Justin: "This such a big block of clay. I'm expecting 100 clues to be hidden inside."

Uma: "So I have three tries to hit the ball into the bowl? Piece of cake."

Uma: "I've never played golf before though."

Uma: "Whack!"

Uma: "Is it going in?"

Uma: "Darn, didn't go far enough."

Uma: "Here's my second try. Oh dear...it's going into the tree..."

Uma: "Wait! It rolled into the bowl! Haha!"

Uma: "Now give me my clue and my next task."

"Zoe is in the kitchen."

Uma: "Did you see that? The ball landed in the tree, then fell right into the bowl! I'm amazing."

Uma: "Two tries to get 5 pull-ups in a row. I can do this."

Justin: "Uma should have called me to do the pull-ups. I can do them easily. We could've swapped."

Uma: "Come on.."

Uma: "1..."

Uma: "2..."

Uma: "Argh!"

Uma: "My last try. Better make it count."

Uma: "You get your chin past that bar, Uma...aah!"

Uma: "Darn, I failed."

Justin: "Maybe if I chip it off here..."

Justin: "Oh, I see something down there."

Justin: "Aha! The clue! Tanya is northeast of Vlad. Got it."

Justin: "Alright, what's next?"

"Here is a photo of someone with your next clue."

Uma: "I have to capture the queen in five moves or less?"

Uma: "I suppose I can move this one here."

Uma: "Then this one will be taken away, then I can move my knight to get rid of the rook..."

Uma: "...and then, maybe this..."

Uma: "Hmm..."

Uma: "I forgot how many moves that was already."

Uma: "Maybe this one should move."

Uma: "Wait, I just checkmated myself."

"The task is failed. Please move on."

Uma: "Darn it."

Justin: "Excuse me, have you seen this guy?"

Calvin: "Johnny? I think he was just outside."

Justin: "Really? I'm coming for you, Johnny."

Justin: "I believe you have something for me."

Johnny: "I do, but you first have to tell me which contestant in Season 31 wore a hat."

Justin: "Oh, I didn't finish watching that season...I think it was Jacob Jacobson."

Johnny: "Correct. Your clue is: The vampire is in a bedroom."

Uma: "Wait, Justin's not done. Where did he go?"

"You have to find your next clue in one of these scrap piles."

Justin: "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME."

Justin: "Ergh...I guess I might as well start with the largest one."

Uma: "Aha! Lena is to the left of Zoe. This is useful. Why did Justin abandon this?"

Justin: "I didn't realise there were two clues in the clay. I thought it was only one per task."

Justin: "I can't find anything...I think I'm going to vomit."

Justin: "I give this one up."

"Please head to the community pool for your next task."

Justin: "I just need to swim 10 laps back and forth using breaststroke under 5 minutes? This is easy."

Justin: "Here I go."

Justin: "And that's my 3rd lap."

Justin: "Almost there..."

Justin: "Did I make it?"

"You took 3 minutes and 58 seconds, so here is your clue."

Justin: "Both bathrooms have contestants. Got it."

"You have to buy the correct ice cream in 2 tries."

Uma: "I'm not digging my nose, by the way."

Uma: "Hmm, I think this one looks pretty unique."

Uma: "Did I get it?"

"Yes. Your last clue: Nobody can be north of Tanya."

Justin: "Why is she eating ice cream when there's a mission? There isn't that much time left."

Uma: "Justin, you have some explaining to do. There was a clue in the clay. Why did you abandon it?"

Justin: "There was? I found one clue so I thought there was only one per task."

Uma: "...That's a fair assumption, actually."

Uma: "Okay, here are my clues.

The blondes are upstairs.

Zoe is in the kitchen. 

Lena is to the left of Zoe.

Tanya is northwest of Lena."

Justin: "These are mine.

Tanys is northeast of Vlad. 

The vampire is in a bedroom. 

Both bathrooms have contestants."

Uma: "You collected only three?"

Justin: "You only had one more than me. I failed one task."

Uma: "Hmm...well, something feels off with you but I did fail two tasks."

Justin: "We can definitely be sure that Vlad is in a bedroom and Tanya is northeast of him but which bedroom?"

Uma: "We know that Nancy and Poppy are on the top floor while the rest are below. Zoe is in the kitchen and Lena is to her left, so she's in the dining room."

Uma: "That means that Vlad is in one of the bedrooms on the left. Which means Tanya is in the living room or the computer room."

Justin: "Wait, let me see your clues...Tanya is northwest of Lena. If Lena is in the dining room, then Tanya must be in the computer room! But then Vlad is in the living room, which contradicts?"

Uma: "Wait, they never said 'directly', so technically Vlad can be in the bedrooms and Tanya's still northwest. We're not sure which one though."

Justin: "I think the second bedroom. It's closer to the computer room."

Justin: "There are contestants in the two bathrooms..."

Uma: "Yes, and a blondie is in one of them clearly. But we don't know which. Argh...cool down, cool down...right. We don't have anything else to go on."

Uma: "How about Poppy goes to the bathroom. She was some Poopie La Tootie or something, right?"

Justin: "Heh, poopy...ahem."

Justin: "I just realised we have nothing about Dmitry or Wayne."

Uma: "Then let's leave them to the last."

Justin: "We have to take a stab in the dark. I think Nancy is in the bedroom cloest to the toilet on the second floor? Sounds good?"

Uma: "We don't have much of a choice, do we?

Uma: "We're just left with Dmitry and Wayne. Who do you want to put in the toilet?"

Justin: "Dmitry, perhaps. Let's just go with that."

Uma: "I'll take that last one then. Wayne, right? I don't think he's in the living room or Tanya wouldn't have been mentioned. He's somewhere on the first floor. I think he's in the left corner bedroom."

Justin: "Then I suppose it's final."

"You can now enter the house and check for yourself."

Vlad is on the first floor but is in the leftmost corner bedroom.

Wayne is in the bathroom on the first floor.

Zoe is in the kitchen.

Lena is in the dining room.

Poppy is in the bathroom on the second floor.

Nancy is in the room with the easel on the second floor.

Tanya is in the computer room.

Dmitry is in the rightmost corner bedroom on the first floor.

That means 40/80 points have been earned for this first mission.

Uma: "I'm sure we could have gotten them all if we had all the clues...or at least I would have. I don't know about Justin. See, the bad thing about this season's cast is that for a lot of them, you just know so little about them even though it's not their first time here."

Some summary:

The blondes are upstairs (V) uma

zoe is in the kitchen. (V) uma

Nancy is in the room with the easel. (X) uma

Nobody was in the living room. (X) uma

Lena is to the left of Zoe. (V) uma

Tanys is northeast of Vlad. (V) justin

Vlad and Dmitry are on opposite sides of the house, on the first floor. (X) justin

The vampire is in a bedroom. (V) justin

Both bathrooms have contestants. (V) justin

Tanya is northwest of Lena. (V) uma